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This page is an extension of the POV page and examines how we use language to associate/dissociate.
An often overlooked feature of internal dialogue is the intrinsic use of specific pronouns. In English, pronouns come in three basic flavors: first, second and third person.
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Personage
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Subject
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Object
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Possessive |
| First Person Singular |
I
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Me
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My, Mine
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| First Person Plural |
We
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Us
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Our, Ours
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| Second Person Singular |
You
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You
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Your, Yours
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| Second Person Plural |
You
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You
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Your, Yours
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| Third Person Singular |
He, She, It
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He, Him, It
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His, Her, It: His, Hers, Its
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| Third Person Plural |
They
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Them
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Their, Theirs
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The pronouns we're particularly interested in (those appearing most commonly in internal dialogue) are I and You--both referring to self. In your own internal dialogue which do you use to refer to yourself, I or you? In other words, would you tend to say to yourself, "I was late for work this morning." or "You were late for work this morning."? What about "I did a good job on the Jeffries report." or "You did a good job on the Jeffries report."? Get a good idea of which pronoun you typically use and for what purpose. Which do you use for praise? Which for criticism?
Usually those who feel they have problems with internal dialogue use the 'You' pronoun almost exclusively and rarely for praise. For these people internal dialogue seems like an endless stream of criticism coming from an observer--someone sitting on your shoulder, watching and commenting on your every move.
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Qualities
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I
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You
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| Predicate |
want, am, was, etc.
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should, can't, didn't, etc.
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| Modifiers |
always, never, etc.
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| Tone |
higher
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lower
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| Sentence Ending |
up
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down
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| Distance |
(see below)
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(see below)
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| Feeling |
generative
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stuck
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| Structure |
fact
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command, judgement
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| Time |
past, present
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future
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Pronouns seem to refer to space, the distance between the speaker (dissociated) and listener (associated). Using the pronoun ‘You’, one speaks to ones self from a dissociated point of view, using the third person increases this distance. There is an unconscious sentence ending that goes with You-voice statements, which is: “.......and you always will be.” or words to that effect. Ex. “You are stupid (and you always will be).” In this way a future reference is made.
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Personal Pronouns
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Distance (ft.)
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First
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0
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Second
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0-10 (speaking distance) |
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Third
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10 to infinity
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Using the pronoun 'I', one can say "I am stupid." which is associated and present. Adding an ‘and’ to the end of the sentence seems to make it much more generative. Ex. “I am stupid and.......” At this point any polarities begin to collapse.
Self criticism, of course, is maintained by switching rapidly between the You and I-voices. Its not possible to criticize ones self (feel bad--KIN) using the I-voice exclusively, particularly when starting the sentences “I am....” or “I want.....” and adding “and.......” at the end.
Your task is to practice using first the You-voice and then the I-voice exclusively. Practice by alternating an hour using the You-voice and then the next hour using the I-voice. Get a clear idea of your use of personal pronouns and their effects. After practice comes self-awareness after which comes choice.
How you refer to yourself internally makes a tremendous difference in your self-image. When one changes internal verbal reference from object to subject, self inflicted pain becomes impossible!
See The Structure of Delight pp.147-149 for more.